Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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