He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
