He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
