I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
