We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
