I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
