I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
