If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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