Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
