Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
