And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
