You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize