I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
