Apparently you make a good broom.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
not ubering you a puppy
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
