If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
