Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
