guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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