People in love make me want to vomit
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize