Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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