So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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