I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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