The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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