We're facebook friends in real life
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
