we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
