:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize