im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
