just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
