he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
