i just wanna soil my oats bro
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
