apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
porn star boner night. come get it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
