im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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