U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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