gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
