She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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