I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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