The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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