mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
