my vag is so smooth its legendary
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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