I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When did angry sex become our thing?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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