Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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