so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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