God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
