I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
