mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
