I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
