trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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