There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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