my vag is so smooth its legendary
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
