i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize