all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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