I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it hurts more in the daytime
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
