drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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