CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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