i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
