obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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