I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
