How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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