tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
