I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
