i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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