I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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