The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
