just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize