I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
