i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
