She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
