Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
