The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
did you just send me my own nude
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
