Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
