I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize