i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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