so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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