did you get engaged???
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
