weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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