Where did you get a picture of my penis
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
