You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
