thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The feeling are messing with the penis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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