GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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