I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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