Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
