i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
