Plan B is the new Plan A
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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