omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize