Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
