Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
