Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize