How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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