Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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