I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
