I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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