his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
