I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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