I wannas sexs uuuuu
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
