apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
