Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
