I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
