Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
