Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Still dying that you shit outside
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize