just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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