i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
