is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
