I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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